Friday, 3 August 2012

Visiting Dad

Someone commented this week that I've not blogged about my father for quite a while, and wondered how he is. The answer is "not brilliant", and I tend not to mention him because in some ways I feel his dementia and downhill trend is upsetting, and maybe should be just a wee bit private for someone who was such a strong and fit man.

Today was not a good one, as he slept for most of my visit, and was fairly incoherent when awake. That's just not my dad, and it is not how I'm going to remember him. His care home is good, with many devoted carers looking after him, but sometimes I think that the medical folk who visit the home often over-medicate. However, I know nothing about psycho-geriatric medicine, so I feel out of my depth in this one. We can simply trust that he's being given the right amount of everything, and it's the dementia rather than the drugs which are responsible for his sleepy demeanour at present.

He's settled and calm, which is in itself much better than he's been for a while, and at 87 we can't expect him to be particularly ready for a game of football, but it can be easy to "let sleeping dads lie", and attend instead to the more active members of the care home. Settled and calm may be as good as it gets from here on in. My prayer is that he will soon sleep away, and get to join my mum in a better place than he's in now.


George William Pursley said...

Thanks for posting this and the next one from "Jeeves." We kept my mom with us for as long as we could after my dad died, and then we had to place her with a caregiver. Yesterday, I picked her up for a sandwich and piece of pie. She must have asked the same questions a dozen times:"How are the kids? What did we order? Who is that?" Sometimes after I take her back to the caregiver's, I just sit in the car and cry. May God bless you and your wife as you care for and love your dad.

Fr Kenny said...

Thanks, George. I know how heartbreaking it can be, especially when you hear the odd comment about us failing to care for our parents within the family these days.

Remember your mum as she was really like!

Mac Gafraidh said...

Aw mate, I am sorry to read this, it must be hard on you. Certainly will keep you in my prayers mate


Anonymous said...

It must be hard when dementia sets in but, believe me, it can be just as hard when it doesn't. Mum has full capacity and has been in care for 10 months now after a long, long struggle when she believed she could still cope - but couldn't. There have been issues to deal with that I never dreamed off and I honestly don't know which I would prefer - dementia or not. It's just very, very hard. Good luck with the op and the baptism.