It's not been an easy time, of late, fighting off the Black Dog. Things are going so well, the Parish is in good shape, new initiatives are about to begin, I am a new grand-dad, professionally I've been affirmed by peers, and yet it hangs around for no reason. The dreadfulness of depression and despair.
Most of my readers will not understand this, in fact I don't understand it myself, but there is the deep feeling of "RID". Restlessness, irritability and discontent. It often weaves a pattern throughout my soul, and I have no defence. Except, get to AA meetings which talk about Steps, and seem to have an answer, not a Christian Church answer, but a spiritual answer to these feelings and help dissipate them.
Of course the Damp-barton weather, and the dull rainy days don't help, and even the sun lamp is no use whatsoever, and I dream of being in The Gambia, or Dubai, or anywhere else I can soak up sunshine and relax, but this is where God has put me. It's actually a good place. I draw on the confidence, enthusiasm and deep faith of my little flock. And that keeps me going through the dark times, but, Lord, I need the 12 Steps too!
What a weakness in a priest. Or is it a strength?