Saturday, 11 February 2012

The Black Dog

It's not been an easy time, of late, fighting off the Black Dog. Things are going so well, the Parish is in good shape, new initiatives are about to begin, I am a new grand-dad,  professionally I've been affirmed by peers, and yet it hangs around for no reason. The dreadfulness of depression and despair.

Most of my readers will not understand this, in fact I don't understand it myself, but there is the deep feeling of "RID". Restlessness, irritability and discontent. It often weaves a pattern throughout my soul, and I have no defence. Except, get to AA meetings which talk about Steps, and seem to have an answer, not a Christian Church answer, but a spiritual answer to these feelings and help dissipate them.

Of course the Damp-barton weather, and the dull rainy days don't help, and even the sun lamp is no use whatsoever, and I dream of being in The Gambia, or Dubai, or anywhere else I can soak up sunshine and relax, but this is where God has put me. It's actually a good place. I draw on the confidence, enthusiasm and deep faith of my little flock. And that keeps me going through the dark times, but, Lord, I need the 12 Steps too!

What a weakness in a priest. Or is it a strength?


Gordon said...

It's a strength Kenny. Your honesty & bravery are inspiring!

Erp said...

Is it a weakness in a person to have cancer or any other disease?

Fr Kenny said...

preached on lepers today. The inner leper lurks within!