Moving Home

It's a long tale really, but the Rectory here has never been up to Provincial or Diocesan standards for a Rectory, and is hopeless and hellish for a priest to work from, having no really practical study space. It would be hopeless, too, for a family to live in.

Last week this property came on the market and we cheekily put in an offer for £175k. It was accepted, and the Estate Agent has valued the current house to be much on a par, if not slightly more expensive than the 
repossession we are buying! So..... moving house at the end of January! And I get a study too!

Just a Thought

I paraphrase a little from a quote from Lay Clerk as I ponder the building of our new hall:

Ninety Percent Rule of Project Schedules:
The first ninety percent of the task takes ten percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

Elfin Safety

Thanks to Lay Clerk, we can provide the following comment as we go into the Season anticipating Christmas!

The Rocking Song

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.


Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.


While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

The union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.


Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.


We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher. We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.


Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities For All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

Partick Thistle Won Again!

A wonderful victory over the teuchters from up Inverness way this afternoon.

The Real Thistle 2  The Kid-on Thistle 1!

Latest Magazine from St Augustine's

The December/January Magazine can be downloaded from HERE.

Being Anti-PC This Christmas!

Fed up with "Winter-tide Festival" or "Don't mention the 'C' word!"??  Here is your option!

Happy Family

Marcus made his debut at Sunday morning service on Sunday with mum and dad! Gorgeous eh? Tim and Margot spent some of the weekend with Marcus and that eminent theologian from Ekklesia, Simon Barrow. It was difficult to know who made more sense! (Sorry Simon!)

Photos of the Scottish Night

The pics from our St Andrewstide Party tell the tale of a good wee night with over £200 profit too! These are now up in the Parish Site.

Feelin' Better!

Yes!! Victory! Managed to stave off the "black dog" and back to best form! I even got carried away yesterday and a ten minute sermon turned into a 15 minute one! (I need to curb my enthusiasm sometimes!)

It's all to do with this power of positive thinking lark, which I'm getting used to. The RW is so annoying when she sees positives where I have tended to continually dwell on the negatives. She's been good for me, although she's had to suffer through some major dark times.

We had a good old fashioned Scottish Night in our new hall last night, anticipating St Andrew's Day. Haggis, neeps and chappit tatties for 80, and a brilliant sing-a-long which ended up with the fittest standing on our new chairs and "giving it laldy"! Some new folk drawn into the Friends' event, and they went away thinking St Auggie's was wonderful! It is!

A major drama had to be part of it, and the heat sensors in the kitchen, as we were serving the meal, set off the fire alarm. Problem... we had no instruction booklet. After about 20 minutes we managed to silence the klaxons, and nobody seemed too bothered.

And we made a few bob for church funds into the bargain!

World Record at Partick Thistle Nil Next Saturday

IT'LL be Fur-hill for Mo Bros next Saturday when The Scottish Sun and Partick Bristle team up to set a world record for the largest gathering of moustachioed men.

Thousands of big-hearted blokes across Scotland have sacrificed their top lips for our Movember men's health crusade.

The fun campaign - launched by cancer-stricken ex-Celtic hero John Hartson - has got the nation talking about men's health issues like testicular and prostate cancer.

Now we want to reward fellas for putting up with a month of itchy and scratchy face fuzz by giving you a chance to be a world record breaker.

We're calling on Mo Bros around the country to get together at Partick Thistle's famous Firhill stadium to earn a place in the Guinness Book of Records.

Guinness Book of Records editor Craig Glenday will be in Glasgow to verify our record attempt.

We aim to get hundreds of Mo Bros together for an iconic photo of a sea of moustaches in the Firhill stand.

It's never been simpler to be a record breaker.

You don't have to perform some death defying stunt or be able to run as fast as Usain Bolt.

You don't have to eat something horrible like pickled eggs or lemons.

All you need is a hairy ‘tache to join the fun and help us set a new world record for the largest gathering of moustachioed men.

And as if earning your place in the Guinness Book of Records isn't enough - everyone taking part will be rewarded with sexy Scottish Sun girls giving out sensational goodie bags to thank you for your Mo-growing efforts.

If you want to dress up as your favourite moustachioed character for the photo then there's also a prize for the best costume.

Partick Thistle's full squad of players have grown mousers to support Movember and are looking forward to earning a place in the Guinness Book of Records.

Defender Ian Maxwell said: "It's been a long itchy month but it's been for an amazing cause and the chance to be in the Guinness Book of Records is just the icing on the cake.
"I've never had a moustache before and I'm sure I'm not the only guy doing this who has found it pretty annoying.
"And it's been a frustrating month too because my wife Nicola won't go anywhere near me with it. She says it's no wonder I play for the Jags.
"It's too prickly for her and I've been counting down the days till I can shave it off on December 1.
"It's great that guys all over Scotland have been joining in and on top of raising awareness and money for men's health issues, getting the chance to be a record breaker is a great reward."

Many of the famous faces who have given their backing to The Scottish Sun's Movember crusade will be at Firhill for the hairiest event of the year.
Airport hero John Smeaton said: "This is brilliant. I've always wanted to be in the Guinness Book of Records and this is our chance.
"I think I'm the same as every guy in the country doing this in that I canny wait to shave it off.
"It's really itchy and I can't get used to seeing myself in the mirror.
"But I met big John Hartson earlier this month and it really brought home why we're all doing this.
"If even just one guy checks himself because of this and it saves his life then it makes it all worthwhile.
"And to be able to say that you are a world record holder is an great added bonus."

Real Radio breakfast DJ Robin Galloway is excited about the chance to be a record breaker.
Scottish Sun columnist Robin said: "I hate my moustache… and my wife hates it even more.
"But I've always wanted to get my mug in the Guinness Book of Records so this event will encourage me to keep it for at least another week."

Celtic legend Billy McNeill said: "I think this is a great idea. We've all suffered to support this cracking cause so this world record thing is a good reward."
The big world record attempt kicks off at 12.30pm at Firhill on Saturday November 28 and will only take an hour.

Anyone with a moustache - even if you've had your's for years - is welcome to come along.
It really is a case of the Mo-re the merrier!

COMMENT: It's one way to try to boost the crowd I guess!

Thanks to Mother Ruth for this Gem

Partick Thistle Nil

Sometimes you just have to emphasise the positives!

Despite the Positives...

The Black Dog of depression is never far away. Maybe it's the rain, or the lack of good sunshine? The last few months of ministry, and life in general, have been good and positive months, but as I sense the dark clouds looming on the horizon, I fear that I'll be burdened with them again, or will the brilliantly resurrected "me" be able to fight them off and stay sane and bright?

A couple of blows to my ministry and its effectiveness this past few days hasn't helped, but it's how I perceive them that makes the difference. The Study Group on Tuesday was not good for me. On the one hand I have to be the Man of Faith who knows all the answers, yet a "Seeker of Truth" who will express doubts and wish to explore them! Somehow I felt caught in the headlights and torn apart by differing expectations. Yet it was "me" who laid myself bare, and that was disturbing for some. Whose side am I on? God's side, I hope, and a God who wants to lead us into all truth, however unsettling that may be to our traditional ways of thinking.

I think, too, there is a sense of anti-climax within me on the completion of the new hall. Now, tired after all the exertions, I'm called to lead this little faith group at St Auggie's into an exciting future where mission and ministry will be discussed and developed. That can be a daunting task, but as I read through completed questionnaires from prospective bishops, I know what I want and need in a bishop at the moment!

It is in reading through these answers, these questionnaires, that I feel very humbled and particularly inadequate as a priest. How do I measure up to these extremely holy and insightful people? Perhaps currently reading John Pritchard's book, "The life and Work of a Priest!" has not helped much! It, too, has challenged and found me feeling "wanting" in so many respects.

So, it's on to working on the positivity, in the hope that the dark clouds are kept at bay!

Positives

It's good to have people from the Diocese visit, and today AT came to have blethers with folk and lunch at Rigos. Good, too, when your work is affirmed and your little flock make a good impression. I was left with the feeling that we should publicise ourselves and our achievements a bit more out there in the Scottish Episcopal Church. There are some really good parishes around, and we are one of them. We simply hide our light under a bushel most of the time!

It was also good to have the ego stroked for a wee bit! Perhaps I should invite AT more often!

Stolen, but Brilliant!

Found on Big Rab's Blog:

"UNEXPECTED HEADLINES OF THE DAY:

Commonwealth/Olympic Games Short of Budget

(Insert name of currently unemployed football manager) Flattered to be Linked With Scotland Job

Smith Linked With Scotland Job

Colin and Justin/Jordan/Samantha Fox say “(Insert vacuous rubbish here)”

Jedward (that’s enough headlines – ed.)

On other pages:

Bears Defecating Habits Continue to Centre on Wooded Areas

Pope Confirms He Is Roman Catholic

One Legged Man Swims in a Circle"

I would add  .....  Celtic/Rangers Awarded Penalty in Tight Match

High Rain Levels in Dumbarton

Tony Blair Gets New Job

Oh! The possibilities are endless. 5,000 years off purgatory for the best "Headline"!! Off you go...

Banking Catastrophe

It's not nice to wake up to a text from the bank telling you that you are horribly overdrawn, especially when you know you are not! Panic! Panic! After an hour of stomach churning, the bank eventually opens and we get an answer after another hour. A three figure sum that had been lodged had been put through as a two figure sum. End of panic, and I was told nicely that I wouldn't be charged for being overdrawn. Isn't that kind of them?

Banks - Your bestest friends - and so generous in the way they look after your interests!

What bugs me is that this happened on Friday. It's Tuesday, and they still hadn't found the discrepancy. Does nobody balance at the end of the day? When I worked in banking, 37 years ago, we weren't allowed out of the branch at night unless we had balanced the cash!

Charter for Compassion

Picked up from Ekklesia....


The principle of compassion lies at the heart of all religious, ethical and spiritual traditions, calling us always to treat all others as we wish to be treated ourselves.


Compassion impels us to work tirelessly to alleviate the suffering of our fellow creatures, to dethrone ourselves from the centre of our world and put another there, and to honour the inviolable sanctity of every single human being, treating everybody, without exception, with absolute justice, equity and respect.

It is also necessary in both public and private life to refrain consistently and empathically from inflicting pain. To act or speak violently out of spite, chauvinism, or self-interest, to impoverish, exploit or deny basic rights to anybody, and to incite hatred by denigrating others – even our enemies – is a denial of our common humanity.

We acknowledge that we have failed to live compassionately and that some have even increased the sum of human misery in the name of religion.

We therefore call upon all men and women:
* to restore compassion to the centre of morality and religion
* to return to the ancient principle that any interpretation of scripture that breeds violence, hatred or disdain is illegitimate
* to ensure that youth are given accurate and respectful information about other traditions, religions and cultures
* to encourage a positive appreciation of cultural and religious diversity
* to cultivate an informed empathy with the suffering of all human beings - even those regarded as enemies.

We urgently need to make compassion a clear, luminous and dynamic force in our polarised world. Rooted in a principled determination to transcend selfishness, compassion can break down political, dogmatic, ideological and religious boundaries.

Born of our deep interdependence, compassion is essential to human relationships and to a fulfilled humanity. It is the path to enlightenment, and indispensible to the creation of a just economy and a peaceful global community.


Affirm the Charter here: http://charterforcompassion.org/

The Dynamic Duo!

Peanut and Toastie pose for a rare photograph!

St Andrew's Day Approacheth!

Any ladies out there looking for a husband? If German folklore is to be believed single women who wish to marry should ask for St Andrew's help. The night before the 30th, if they sleep naked, they will see their future husbands in their dreams. Young women should also note the location of barking dogs on St Andrew's Eve, as their future husbands will come from that direction. 

http://www.scotland.org/about/history-tradition-and-roots/features/culture/saint-andrew-folklore.html

Bad Weekend

I probably sum things up if I say that the Congregational AGM was the highlight of my weekend. It was a good and positive meeting, and St Augustine's is now in a super position. We are "financially viable", have a new hall complex which surpasses our wildest dreams, and the church building is in excellent nick after the restoration five years ago. The church is even warm now after the installation of new boilers!

The rest of the weekend is best forgotten, not least because of the terrible football results that came my way. (I know, I'm shallow!"

So, a new week and a new beginning, and I'm starting it with having a proper "day off", the first in quite some time. The dogs are looking at me longingly, and I know where their priorities lie. I'll eventually cede and put on the thermals and the waterproof clothing in readiness for the P.A.R.K.

Aye. It's a dog's life!

Bad Day for This Football Fan!

Yesterday was not good. The RW was absolutely brilliant, and didn't rub my nose in the fact that Wales humiliated Scotland 3-0. She did casually mention something about how her brother-in -law would just love to get a "shot" at me last night, but I think she meant "gloat".

Meanwhile Partick Thistle Nil were going down 3-1 at Dunfermline, losing a last minute killer goal. By all accounts Thistle played well, but like Scotland, have trouble turning pressure into goals sometimes. The Nil result I can take. We'll hammer them back at Firhill. The Scotland one is harder to stomach.

There was little real commitment yesterday, despite the fact we had a half-decent team out there. I was a great Burley supporter at the end of the World Cup Qualifiers, but a man can change his mind, and mine was yesterday. He must go, and go now.

I awaited news that my Gambian Team had lost too, but then I realised they play today.

Brilliant Tale

From one of my favourite Bloggers today, comes THIS little gem!

Rocksalt

Some of our "Resident Music Group", and a couple of others who come to play with them in church on occasion, joined together to form their own Praise Band. It's called Rocksalt, and they are exceptionally good! It's not only praise stuff that they play, and the range of stuff they do well includes Country & Western and Blues. Here's a taster of the talent we have on tap!

Goodbye George

I presided over the funeral of a dear friend, and someone I greatly loved and admired, this afternoon.

Rest in peace, George. You deserve everything that heaven will bring you. And, yes, I was so proud to be your priest..... even though you thought I was a rascal!

A Grand-Daughter At Last!

My son emailed some new yesterday which got me going. We were to become grandparents for the first time. We never thought it was going to happen!

Alas it is not with human-child, but with dog-child. He had been to see King Charles Cavalier pups with Angela, and had chosen a pup from the litter. It will be nice to see Toastie and Peanut embrace one of their own! So, "Poppy" will make her appearance publicly in about 3 weeks time, and we look forward to a new member of the family menagerie!

Here she is.....

The Joys..

The joys of walking the dogs in the early morning mists! Dumbarton Rock in all its glory!

And who enjoys it most???

Sad Time

Most of the time, ministry is great, and there is a lot to be said for joining in with laughter, happiness and joy, both with families and with the congregational family. Giving folk a wee hand to cope with obstacles is also extremely fulfilling, and helping congregations to achieve goals is the best, but life is not always all about good bits.

One of the most deeply loved members of St Aug's, George Matheson, died on Saturday, and this morning we need to start planning his funeral which will be on Thursday. It will be a full house, I'm sure, and one of these times when I'll need to keep my emotions in check and go into "professional" mode for an hour or so. Sometimes that's not so easy with someone you loved so much.

George was a pillar, and had a faith as deep and true as anyone I've ever known in 30 odd years of ministry. An Aberlour boy with an incredible singing voice, he grew from being a scrawny choirboy into a respected Choir and Vestry Member for many years, but was probably quite forbidding in his prime. By the time I got to know him, he was simply a big pussy-cat, full of wisdom, knowledge and love. Our Lord shone from his, rather dim, eyes! He was probably the person who saved St Aug's when the Diocese threatened closure about 15 years ago, taking on the Convener of the Administration Board in an infamous showdown which has its place in St Aug's folklore! Just one of those folk that it was a joy to minister to, receiving from him more than I ever gave.

Yes, there will be tears in my heart if not on my face on Thursday.

Once and only once did I ever break down in tears at the reception of the body into church of someone I loved deeply, and was scolded by the family because I should be strong and know better! However, we clergy are human, and we feel grief and pain as much as anyone. Sometimes it's easier to mask than others.

The Babes of St Aug's!

Two recent additions to the congregation, Hannah and Lauren, show what they think of my sermons.....

and the usual crowd have their regular gossip..  Gavin counts the cash after doing a huge 7 mile walk with Anne over "at least seven Munros!"

Meanwhile the RW gets "broody"!

Dogs

One of the chores of winter means that I'm responsible for the daily "walkies"! Today I'll cope, but the Clyde Shore on a freezing wet windy day is not for the faint-hearted.

Bring on the lighter nights when the RW takes over the responsibility again. Meanwhile, I suppose, I'll have to get fit again!

A Day Off - Maybe?

Monday is my official day off, but I don't seem to have had one for quite some time. Today is also the Clergy Fraternal, where the local Pisckie clergy lunch and share gossip and pain, and lots of laughter too. Is this work? The RW and I mused on this yesterday evening!

In lots of ways I guess it is, but then again, I'm not paid a salary with a set amount of hours each week. I'm given a stipend, a living allowance, which allows me the freedom to live out my priesthood. So, everything is "work" really, but then again it's not! I actually enjoy greatly, and am deeply blessed to be able to, live out priesthood, although at times I'm not very good at it! It's a way of living. I get really uncomfortable with clergy who count up the hours they have "worked" in a week!

It gives me time to blog, to read, to keep up with current news and current theological thinking, and it gives me time to myself, and time for prayer and reflection. (As well as all the other stuff like pastoral care and supporting Partick Thistle Nil)

It means, sometimes, that if I have my sermon written, I can sit down and watch Saturday evening TV. It's at times like these that I am glad that I subscribe to Sky +. The choice between the X-Factor and Strictly fills me with dread, and I'm glad to catch up with NCIS or something like it rather than watch the nonsense on offer.

I caught a glimpse of two brothers on Saturday who were really terrible on this X-Factor thingy. They looked like adverts for Harmony hair spray, and as a fellow blogger wrote, seemed to have been sent out by mum with Ghost Buster suits on. I was glad to catch up with a Star Trek episode instead.

Meanwhile, I'll enjoy my lunch with fellow clergy today. Work or not, it's part of the brilliant things I'm allowed to do, having been given the means to do it!

PS Half-stipend is an abomination. You get full-time priests for half the money. Ministry on the cheap! How can you be a part-time priest?

Partick Thistle Won!

Two goals in two minutes early in the first half was enough to earn Thistle maximum points against Morton. For the first time I can remember, this league is not as tight as it once was. There is a very obvious division between the bigger boys and the dross at the bottom. (Sing - Let's all laugh at Airdrie!)


I'm just glad that we'll be there or thereabouts at prizegiving day!

Bad Theology Kills

The man I blogged about some days ago, who was sentenced to death because a jury found some convenient dodgy passages in the Old Testament was executed last night in Texas. Full Story ......


 http://tinyurl.com/y95xx32

Disaster

Just got a Blackberry because the Primus uses one and it looked really cool. Now he's gone and changed it! I feel betrayed!

Transexual Jesus Anyone?

Jesus, Queen of Heaven

Glasgow is certainly putting itself on the map these days! Have a look here!

Solution For Dad?

Social work seem to be working at last and today I signed application forms for Erskine Hospital, which is a huge care facility for war veterans. There are a couple of spare rooms, a waiting list of two years, but dad is considered an emergency and he could maybe get in.

It seems like an ideal solution, and if he's not happy there, then he'll be miserable anywhere. So prayers seem to be working, but keep praying until he is actually given a place. It's far from certain!

Madeleine McCann

A new film has been released by the UK’s police organisation for child protection - the Child Exploitation and Online Protection (CEOP) Centre - aimed at anyone close to the person who was involved in the disappearance of Madeleine McCann. That person could be a relative, friend, work colleague or neighbour. Whoever they are, they have a secret that could reveal what happened to Madeleine.

In order to reach that person, CEOP are asking for the public’s help to share this message virally, via the internet, so that the message is so widespread it becomes one click away to the person who knows something about Madeleine’s disappearance.  The message is then a constant reminder that it is never too late to do the right thing, to stop keeping this secret  and pass this vital information to their local police.

Hope for Now?

Difficult meeting this morning over dad, but at last it seems that something may get done. Social Work now see him as a danger to himself, after a couple of attempts at throwing himself over the bannister, and they will now actively seek to place him in a more appropriate setting. He is just so miserable and distressed where he is, and, of course it's all my fault!

We need mega-prayers now that we can find him a place in a home where he will be as happy as possible, and safe too. My hopes are not too high.

Church History in 4 minutes!

Let Down

The poor RW took a day off today, one of her precious holidays, hoping that we might get some time together. Firstly, All Souls Day got in the way today with two services, a meeting tonight, a funeral tomorrow which I had to prepare for, and several discussions with builders who are now attending to the snagging in our new hall. (Yes, Blethers, snagging with an "n"!!)

The dogs got a decent walk, though, in the rain, so they were happy.

Tomorrow is the dreaded "Assessment Meeting" in my dad's Care Home. He is so unhappy, but nobody seems to be coming up with any options, except some numpty in Social Work who is thinking he could maybe be ok back in the community with mega support. We've tried this so many times with disastrous consequences.

So, say a little prayer for us tomorrow! Every little helps!