Thursday, 16 July 2009
Dad Stuff Again
Got called to the Care Home tonight. Father was at the gate and refused to return to the home. It was a dreadful two hours before I got him calmed down and up to his bed. Obviously the place he's in is not going to be any solution, but I'm tearing my hair out thinking of an alternative!
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But is any place going to be the ideal solution or even much better?
Are there any groups that visit the residents in the home to talk with them or otherwise interact so that they have something other than watching the TV to do? When I was young and a scout, our troop use to visit a home monthly to do crafts and talk to the residents (the home was pretty dreadful [this was in the US where things can be particularly bad] and I think for many of the residents our visits was one of the rare treats). Perhaps if there was something he could look forward to in the home even if dimly it might reconcile him to the situation.
Does the home (or the council) have a support group for relatives/friends of residents that might be able to give you advice and support?
He's refusing to even consider anything other than getting out of there. There are things which happen, called entertainment, like an old couple who sing old songs who go in monthly, but dad is the only one in the Home who can hold a viable conversation and he's so depressed and frustrated about that.
No support group for relatives! I'm afraid this blog is it!
I grouped at the last Provincial Ultreya (Cursillo) with a lady who regularly visits residents in a local home as part of her 'action'. She enjoys the visits and thinks that the people to whom she talks do too. She herself is sensible, articulate and interesting - and would be a joy for anyone to meet.
I'm sure that among the people you (and I) know, there would be a group who could help you with this - even perhaps going as a couple to make for less pressure, especially at first. It need only be an hour or so, a cuppa and a chat, whatever - and could give your dad more to look forward to, especially if he knew when to expect them. Why don't you ask for help in this way?
I sorted something like this in the past. Some people stopped going because he trashed me for the full visit. He's under review at the mo.
Seriously considered keeping on his sheltered housing place and letting him go home to drink himself to death. Last night he was threatening to throw himself under a train.
I'd think it'd take a strong person who maybe could behave as if they didn't know you. But it's easy for me to say that. And I have sympathy for your idea of letting him go back the the sheltered housing - though would they not call you out all the time there too?
Yep! Talking on the phone just now, they're thinking about bringing in a psychiatrist to maybe adjust his medication. I don't want him to turn into a zombie, but maybe some other pills would calm him down a bit more.
Speaking as someone who's turned herself into a zombie to stop myself coughing, I feel it's not as bad as it sounds - and some drugs just make you a bit torpid, which is perfectly pleasant for the torpid one.
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